Esplanade with Rina!

Haha today went to Library@Esplanade with Rina. The library is so awesome, its the best, the quietest. Haha it was really really nice to just sit there and have chats with her, been really long since I last talk to anyone about anything at all. Really really want to just sit there forever and forget about everything..

As I sat there, I told myself that I think it really is time to let you go.. I will treasure the relationship we once had, and for everything you have once given me, I say: Thank you.

Right now, I finally feel happy after so long... Its nothing complicated...I am happy cos now everything is simple..and its when things are simple that we can truly appreciate life most beautiful things..

I have friends, both old and new. I have my school, my goals and I have my motivation. despite everything life has thrown at me, in the end, I survived. With a smile.






I miss the times in sec 1 and 2, where we friends could play like there was no tmr.
I miss the times in sec 3, where I got punished in class for not listening and almost retaining.
I miss the times in sec 4 where we would all go to school early in the morning to mug!
I miss the feeling of achievement when I know that I have got the results I wanted.
I miss the times when we 3 brothers hang out so often and happily.
I miss the times where we did crazy things in the airport.
I miss the times where I worked like a dog at Marche.
I miss the times where me and my brothers talked about our ambitious future!
I miss those times...

But now,I guess the past is the past, so lets embrace the future. and lets smile. cos no matter what, Life will be awesome:) We just have to make it awesome.

I am happy.

After everything, I feel happy. Finally, I am over my school and a new beginning is just starting for me.

There is a saying that if one owns something, one would eventually lose it.
And that is why, I chose to stay like this with you. It makes my day, everyday I get to msg you and you reply cheerfuly. Although I know its only been only a week, but I never met someone as perfect as you before. And I wan you to stay that way. So i chose to keep my distance, to preserve the good image I have of you. I am afraid to dwell further as I am afraid you are not whom I tot you are. I don't want history to repeat itself and make the same mistakes as before.

Despite what some may say, I still can't help but slowly like you more and more. Its still just a crush, but as time goes by, I will not be sure whether it will stay just as a crush..
I kept telling myself its impossible between us, and that it was a sin to fall for you...but deep down, I secretly prayed that you would at least enjoy my companionship.

You are my perfect angel, and you are the second girl to make me feel this way. The first time round, I was fooled and inexperience and rushed things...and got hurt becos if it.

Now, 1 year later, I have grown up and have matured more. I just wan to be your close friend, someone you would go to when you are sad or happy. And I wan to change for the better becos of you.

I have a crush on you.

Why can people be two faced?

I just read something from somewhere..
I cannot say I am sure, but it sounds like that person is talking about me.

He said I was after her for looks?? Really, I am not tat kind. If I was, would i even get tgt with MN in the first place?

I dun wan to say so much, but it really saddens me. why as a "brother" cant you feel happy for me?? I really didnt know you are like tat, then why dun I say the same thing about you?? About you falling for a girl after just the first and second time seeing her?? Its the same isnt it?? You say I am a monster, then why aren't you??

I never ever said I wanted to be with her, all I want is to stay as her friend. Isnt that something you understand the most?? to be friends with her???

It took me so long to find someone, someone that is my "perfect one"...and to be called a monster by my own brother...why??why??

Can't Get her out of my mind.

I miss you. And I duno why.. I really wan to go back to camp and see your face, hear your voice and feel your presence.
I miss that time after that pool games, you sitting beside me..that was the only time you were beside me..and at that time I never even realize I liked you..you looked so pretty...
I miss the times when we ran tgt to go bomb the other teams with water bombs.
I miss the times I helped you take drinks and you saying"thank you" so beautifully..
I miss the times when you just turn towards me and smile...
I miss you, and I feel so evil....this shouldnt be happening..I cannot fall in love anymore, its been almost halve a year, and i tot I never believed in love anymore. maybe I was wrong....

I cry when I know that it is impossible between us...

Please do not forget me,...cos I wun.

Freshmen Orientation Camp!

OMG! Back from camp! I swear, that is the best, most freaking awesooommmmeeee camp ever!
Got to know many many great, awesome friends! LOVE my group-Hersheys!
haha so about the camp...

DAY 1:
Haha I was there early, like the first few so they settled us in before the rest. Got news that I would be in HERMES group 2- Hersheys! Haha while seating I was kind of bored, so they asked us to go around and intro ourselves. The girl sitting beside me introduced herself to me, her name is Xue Er. haha nice name. She was from group 1. haha so anyways, talked to many others too. Then after lunch, they started the activities. haha my Group leaders were Ashleigh, janson and Stella. All awesome awesome people!
haha had a lot of fun! they even made us play blind match making loh! Haha thats how they make us find our dance partner!

Haha then we had mass dance with our partners, and well me and my partner got pulled up to dance! wth! haha but really paiseh loh! but well it was fun!

Haha then we had many games and then we had night activities! where we really work tgt as a team and we won all the games! yay hershies!

Super super awesome!

Had a fun night sleeping!




Day 2:

Woh this was the day where evryone really got super dirty! haha like we had oil, toothpaste, butter,creamer and other disgusting stuff on our body!
Haha really really fun! like there is so much things I cannot even remember got wat le.
haha And the whole time we were like cheering for everything! super super duber awesome!!!!!!!!


Day 3:
Haha wet activities day! haha got super wet but super fun. Especially the weather so hot! haha all the meals were superb and the games really made us worked as a team!
haha campfire was awesome and the power cheer was super cool!!!!!
haha disco was great but haha after 1 hour i cannot take it le, too many people so I came out and to my relief I saw ruiping, jia ning and ying ying. they ask me go join them chi chat then after tat Huda and Huida also joined in. haha everyone supposed to stay awake throughout the night,then those who slept kena toothpaste on their face and other pranks! haha some were even tied up! so funny loh! Me, Ruiping, yingying, Huda and Huida went to the opposite side of the track where there was nobody and we sat there to star gaze. It really was awesome.

Haha Day 4: last day.....
had one last mass dance and so happy to win best Dance Couple! haha so awesome loh. like I was so shy to dance in front of everybody! haha but it was really fun! but it was so sad to part with everyone and in the end many people cried. But there will be a sentosa outing so it will be super awesooommmeeeee!!!!


haha and well mat many many friends in hersheys. haha really happy. And you know wat?? I finally met her. after so long, I finally met someone who made me had that"feeling".
And it was even before I knew how she looked like, cos she was one of the girl I got matched up with during the blind date. But I was really really happy to have held her hand. To you who don't know: it really was my luck to have met you. cos you were so unique so special in every way. when we were there looking up, and you pointed to me the stars, how I wished time could just stop there and I could forever just lie there, beside you. but in I know, it will never work out cos of wat you told me casually...1992....how could i like someone older than me?? I really didnt knew, yet I still fell for you..if only I didn't know. But it doesnt matter, I just wan us to stay like this as friends forever. You never knew, but thoughout the mass dance, throughout everything, I was looking at you. Every photo that our grp took I tried to stand beside you but I never got the chance. haah but at least I was close. haha really wan to see you 3rd april.





yupup! GO HERSHY GO!
Post again tmr!

Btw happy birthday Lydia!

I am going to Camp people!

Haha so tmr will be the start of a new journey in my life. Becos tmr I will be attending Ngee Ann Poly's Freshmen Orientation Camp. Really looking forward to it. Really hoping to know new people and to get absorbed in Ngee Ann's culture!

Haha its a long long camp. like 4D3N. so untill then wun be blogging or using phone.


Really hope that my life will start to change once school starts.

Haircut.

Yup I got a haircut today. Cut my hair shorter.
Feels more shoik..

I really am getting sick of this life..
And I really hate myself...for being such a useless person.
I got to change. I got to..

Outing to Orchard.

Okay here is the brief summary of wat happen today. Met Alvin and a ex-colleague at micron.(MICRON is a company that deals with microchips which me and Alvin have both worked at before.)

Yup.To my surprise this was actually her first time at Orchard Road! Right so we brought her around Orchard road. Though I have to say it was a little weird to go out with her as she could not understand English so it was hard to communicate with her. Thus that also made it a little dis-interesting. But well over all it was quite fun to bring a new person around and show them the fun side of Singapore.

Besides she was a great help to us for helping us be the videographer for our Video log!

After she left we met up with Ivan and his friend Hanrong. So had quite alot of fun and even had coffee bean at Orchard Central.


So enough about today. More importantly, how I feel about it...
Well hmmm I realize tat sometimes even though one may try hard to accept a new person or thing, eventually there will always be those people whom suits you and those who dun. We as humans are unique and we are only able to get along with certain unique individuals.

Another thing, just wanted to let people know but man it really sucks when I see very nice girls tat are totally my type and in my heart I know I will never be able to know them...and even if I do, I might never be able to fully trust them anymore...

Its weird but I guess most people experience this: that once a relationship in which you cared about has ended...you feel....deprived? Like you just have so much desire to have someone whom you can call your own. Someone you can hold hands with. Someone whom you can hug, someone you can sit with at a quiet corner and have the time of your life...


To the one in my life: When and where will you appear in my life?

WOW.

Thats the only word I have in my mind at this moment.
I just read xiaxue's blog and another girls blog. And I am totally amazed by them. Seriously they are so dam daring in posting about their views about everything and that raises a question in my mind:
Why can't I do the same?

I have been thinking to myself and you know wat?
I realize tat up till now I have been such a wimp(its true), always not daring enough to voice my own opinions. and it is becos of tat, tat I have been used and bullied.
And I want that to change.

Today, the thought of her kept on lingering in my mind and tried as I might I cant seem to get it out. Now that I think of it I was so stupid to even think about her or even hope for a reply? I thought I told myself to get over her already?????

And thats why I am going to force myself to get over her. To move on with life.
Whats so great about her anyway????
She is not pretty nor is she smart, but why did i even loved her???
Yes, She is and forever will be my first love and so????

The fact that she hurt me and tat her feeling towards me changed, is what it is:
A FACT.

And so you know what? I am going to get over her. And I will show that
life without her is just as great, even better.

365th Day.

Today is the 365th day since you came into my life. And it is also your birthday...
I still remember how I first met you at ECP. we were total strangers and i never ever imagined tat one day, you would be tat person in my life.
This one year has been the greatest roller coaster ride of my life. The times I spend with you were really the happiest days of my life. I really experienced true happiness...
Then things took a downhill.. Even after everything...you still hurt me. still turned ur back on me...
I hated you, I really did....but only cos I loved you.

For the past few months I have been suffering and really tried to get rid of the thought of you...but i cant..
But perhaps today everything will change..cos after everything...i realize one thing-----
and that is tat I still love you..the memories I had with you.
So 365 days after we met, we have become strangers once again.
And on this day I have decided tat no matter wat you have done to me..I will forgive and forget. and tat even as strangers, I want you to lead a happy life.
so..
Happy Birthday...stranger..

Badminton with Junhui and his friends.

Today i met up with junhui and did some catching up since the last time i saw him was about 2 months ago. So I followed him and met two of his other friends weiting and fu nan.
Went to serangoon cc there to play. Really really enjoyed myself.

It puzzles me sometimes why though i may say tat cat high guys are boring. but why is it tat when i hang out with people like junhui...i feel...more relaxed? happier?
It dawned on me tat maybe, its just cos they are simpler people. Nice,kind people.

Though Junhui may not know how to dress up or anything, and he may not be good-looking nor fit. But i realised tat hanging out with him, i experience a more simple kind of joy. Like just talking. And maybe, becos, he is the kind of people i like. Those who are punctual, friendly, kind and most importantly, simple.

Take junhui's friend for example, Weiting. She may not be pretty nor does she have a great figure. But she has one thing tat very little people have nowadays. A simple, cheerful and honest heart. In fact, though i only know her for a day, but I can say, she makes me feel more at ease as compared to the other friends i have.

In this society we live in now, everybody are turning complex. and when tat happens, relationships between people become complex and becos of tat, we are unable to fully appreciate the the presence of those around us. Instead we are full of desires and suspicions...
why? why have people become like this?


Today I really came to many realizations, but i tink the most important one is this.

Sometimes the happiest things in life are the simplest of all things.

Cycling today.

Went cycling with Rina today. Been quite long since the last time we had cycled together.
Both of us were really looking forward to the trip, and wat more both of us had gone through some "Shit". so was really wanting to get back tat feeling we had may last year.

However things didnt really turned out the way we wanted. Well in short lets just say, rina had a collision with another person and was injured so we had to end the trip prematurely. Really felt bad, should have cycled in front and stop the guy. at least i wouldnt be tat injured. so after tat i sent her to the bustop and she made her way back.

Then I went back there and rented another bike. This time i would be going alone.
Felt a mixed bags of feeling as I was cycling. Firstly, yes it is definitely nice and I felt free. but then, hmm dunno? When I was cycling, I saw many groups of teens and they were in groups of guys and girls...and i just felt...sad? lonely? wanted so many friends too...
when i saw couples....it really sucked...but the truth is I can no longer believe in a relationship anymore so....ya.


Just wish tat now, I can hug a girl...just tat feeling,...to be wanted...to be appreciated.

Beautiful day.

Hmm wat to say....
Well today was quite a day I must say. Went Kbox with Alvin and Ivan. Had alot of fun there. And even took alot of video. Next went to watch the movie" Kaiji:The Ultimate Gambler"
Really a great movie I must say. The plot is really intellectual and the main actor is really a superb actor. A must watch. Really keeps you in suspense through the whole movie.

Learnt quite abit from the movie.
There was this phrase which left a deep impression on me:"we may be garbage, but wat matters is tat we are still alive."
Ya, tat is true. Though some people might think tat their life may be meaningless and worthless, the important thing is tat they are still here. still breathing, still living.
And as long as they continue to be alive, they can make a difference.
I was blog hopping ystd and i chanced upon this phrase: wat matters in life is life itself, and not the result of life.
Tat really makes sense..


Right ended today by having rosti at Marche. Really missed there. And bumped into Kelly. Haha she looks cute in her home cloths. Then we had nice coffee at TCC at dobby. Really enjoyed today. Hopefully will hang out like tat more often.
A beautiful Day.

I am stupid.

I really am. why?why?why? why after all this? why cant i learn my lesson? she hurt me so badly, and this time i am not going to let anyone use me anymore. I had enough! being the one who quietly takes everything...i will not let history repeat myself. if the world is really tat cruel, then before anyone else hurts me, i will hurt them.

Yes, simple turn complicated.

Why did things turn out this way?I really do not understand. It was a simple problem, yet it turned complicated.

Yes, I admit i was in the wrong to have forget about Saturday's plans.But I was really caught up with my poly stuff and so with so many things to do, I really forgot about it.
For tat I am really very very sorry.
But...you didnt let the matter rest. Yes i know i agreed to hang out with another person, but is tat a crime? dun i get my freedom too?

I know she is your friend, but since we already knew each other, why cant we be considered as friends? rather then merely your "friend"? I really do not understand this part. If lets say I were to intro you my friends, I would perfectly be happy if you hang out with them? and not be angry at you for hanging out with them.
Are we not "brothers"? the best of friends? shouldnt we be happy tat each other is having friends and is happy?

You know my character, even if there are things I am not happy about, I would never voice it. Take the Mac incident for example.
Dun you tink you are being unfair with me? I was not in the wrong yet I took your anger quietly..

And now you can turn your back on me over a small incident like this. I never knew you were like this? how could u use "her" to hurt me again?????

You sent me this: Ernest dam bastard sio, flirt with my friends then act love"her" until very deep, he just act only, who ever like ernest is dumb to let him trick.


How could you? you know very well, the only one i ever loved was her. and you of all people knew how much she hurt me, yet you could say such words???
so as long as i am with your friends, i am flirting with them?
you have her, alvin. you have her. Tats why you dun feel how i feel...


why did you have to make things turn out this way?

Awesome awesome day.

Really happy now. Just got my new Apple Macbook Pro. It is seriously so dam sexy.
Haha enough about tat, lets talk about today.
Went to poly to settle all the admin stuff. The colour vision test was a little stupid considering tat it only took about 5 mins. but well, i guess it was ok for me cos it was like "sunbian for me" to take the test as the real purpose for me going there was to buy my macbook.
Anyway, I got to meet some poly seniors and they are so fun:) so really looking forward to the freshmen orientation camp. yup yup, today rocked.


Hmm a little side note, and this is for some of my really great friends:
Hey it really saddens me when I see all of you all blaming and questioning one another.
All I did was just to post some of my thoughts on facebook, and really wasn't referring to "him". I guess all i wan to say is tat, hopefully you all can relax a bit? Dun jump to conclusions so quickly ok? Cos not only would it put me in a bad light, it would also put you all in a bad light. I know, you all may tink: but who cares wat he tinks?
However, wouldn't it be so much better if we could avoid all this misunderstandings?

First Thoughts.

Ok here gos.
I cant remember how many old blogs i use to have, but this time round this is going to be different.

I really dunno wad happened, but it seriously puzzles me as to why you two as "brothers" can quarrel? Really, dun feel pissed at me, but is it so hard to just take a step back? Sometimes tat may be just the solution to everything.

TO A CERTAIN GIRL:
hey,, i know how you feel towards me. But the truth is, it will never work out between us. Cos, I will never get over her. I know you are concerned about me, and i know wat you are saying. You ask me to changed, so has everyone else, but the fact is, I dun tink i can. How can I go back to being cheerful, simple and easily used? Its becos of how i was, tat resulted in me foolishly believing everyone and ended up being used.No one can understand how it feels to be cruelly thrown aside by the very person one loves and trusts the most..
Do you see? Its not tat i dun wan to go back to the past, I cant, cos i will only end up getting hurt and used once more.


Right now, I feel tat i am slowly becoming a different person..